Four years ago, Lucas came home from a 7th grade career fair with a bunch of Army literature. I threw them in the recycle box because I had brought home the same pamphlets when I was in 7th grade. He hung an Army poster in his room in 8th grade but I still didn't think anything long term would come from it, after all every boy thinks about being an "army guy" at some point, right? Don't get me wrong I am not anti-military but military is not in our blood. I always pictured him as, well anything but a soldier! Last spring as he was registering for his junior year he asked me to got to a parent meeting for the new JROTC program at his high school. I was annoyed. I had things to do and sitting in a meeting for something I didn't think he would actually do seemed like a waste of my time. I went. Begrudgingly. Sgt. Harris explained the program was not a recruiting program but rather a chance for kids to try out something new and have a chance to do some organized community service. That didn't sound so bad. I signed the papers saying he could participate. Next it was off to the Army-Navy store for military garb. (My annoyance may have resurfaced when I forked over money for boots, belts and patrol caps.) He seemed to have fun and I couldn't complain when his summer days were spent with the JROTC at camps for kids with, cancer, hemophilia and other diseases.
Around Christmas he started talking about enlisting. I tried to talk him out of it. Now I can't remember half they arguments I used. I wasn't seeing my son as a young adult with plans and goals of his own. I was trying to talk my little boy out of playing with guns and doing dangerous things. The one argument I couldn't win was when he said to me, "I feel like I owe something to my country." I try to be a good citizen too. I vote, walk my dogs on a leash, recycle and pay my taxes, that's all I need to do, right? I'll let someone else's son do the dangerous stuff. I know, pretty selfish. So a few weeks after his 17th birthday we let him enlist and on March 29th he was sworn into the Utah National Guard.
Two weeks ago we went to the JROTC Military Ball. There he was, captain of Alpha Company standing at attention with his battalion. His name engraved on the leadership plaque. Alpha Company was given the award for best company in the battalion. He was achieving his goals and dreams while I wasn't looking.
I am blessed to have wonderful sisters and sister-in-laws. My awesome sister-in-law, Jill gave me an early birthday present, dog tags. They were made by Sara at Charming Sarabella. I wear them everyday. They are there to remind me to be brave and selfless like my son and to remember to relish the noise and mess around me.
Another sister-in-law, DeAnn reminded me that this is the purpose for which I raised him, to serve and think of others before himself. She made me cry because that is exactly who I want him to be. It was happening and I didn't even notice! I still have worries, have I done a good job as a mother? Have I taught him the life skills he needs to be out on his own? Is he strong enough to avoid the negative aspects of military life? Will he eat enough fruit? Will he remember to say please and thank you? Lucas will be okay. He started his adult life without me because he didn't need me. He could do it on his own.
The tears I have shed have been more tears of mourning. The chapter in my life where all my children are home and protected every night are gone. He'll be home for his senior year but it will be different. He'll have drill weekends and responsibilities to people I've never met. I can't expect everyone home for dinner. It came sooner than I ever thought it would. He will always be my son, but he belongs to the world now. I will miss him everyday. I am outranked.
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